Wild and Weird Things You Can Buy On Ebay Right Now

On ebay, one man’s trash is another man’s treasure - literally. Whether you’re lonely, socially incompetent or in need of some slave shackles and a crate of liquid ass, ebay is packed full of weird wonders and freaky finds to suit any of your needs.

No matter how creepy or offensive an item may be, there is someone selling it on ebay. Even sadder, there is someone buying it.

If you fall into the sad category, then lucky for you, these auctions are live right now. But you better act quickly if you want to be the owner of some Succulent Dryer Lint or Squirrel Underpants because these items are going fast!

1. Vaginal Speculum

Description: Graves Large Vaginal Speculum Stainless Steel
Current Price: $6.99
Shipping: $5.99
# of Bids: N/A
End Time: April 14 2009, 19:20:30

If you need a unique and interesting conversation piece for your home, consider this large vaginal speculum. Made entirely from stainless steel, this vaginal speculum is the perfect icebreaker for dinner parties, social gatherings and family potlucks.

This speculum comes unused, sterilized and discreetly packaged. Place it on your coffee table for a one-of-a-kind center piece or just keep one on hand for a last minute gift!

2. My Ex’s Drunk Love and Jail Letters

Description: My ex’s drunk letters and jail letters
Current Price: $1.99
Shipping: $15.00
# of Bids: 1
End Time: March 20 2009, 08:29:18

If reading about other people’s misery and pain makes you feel better, then this item is definitely for you. This complete collection of drunken love letters is an entertaining and graphic insight into the inner workings of dead beat dad. Read letters from his time in jail, rehab, and during one of his drunk binges.

Here is an excerpt from this gripping and poignant collection: “ok and what if I do still love, I know you still love maybe not as much but I’m not stupid neither are you! It drives me nuts just like it drives you nuts I just wont lie to you about it”.

Once you start reading these, you won’t be able to put them down! Help give his kids the child support their dad is too drunk to provide. Homemade jail and birthday cards included as special bonus!

3. Breast Painting

Description: HUGE! ORIGINAL abstract breasts art paints nude KIRA
Current Price: $1,600.00
Shipping: Free
# of Bids: N/A
End Time:  April 14 2009, 08:35:03

If you like breasts or anything that has to do with them, then you’ll love these one-of-a-kind paintings made using real breasts. Artist Kira Van Vaszegi liberally applies paint directly to her breasts and then presses them onto the canvas over and over again to achieve her desired abstract look.

Unfortunately, you can’t get any photos of the actual painting process, but if you look really hard at her paintings, you’re sure to see a boob print or two.

4. How To Be A Peeping Tom

Description: 5 ways I have seen women nake* without them knowing!
Current Price: $1.99
Shipping: Free
# of Bids: N/A
End Time: April 07 2009, 19:56:13

Would you like to see women naked? Are you tired of acting like you care about women in order to get them to take their clothes off? What if you could see them naked without even having to buy them dinner? With this innovative guide, any man can find out how to easily see women naked without them even knowing!

This guide includes 5 sure-fire ways of seeing women naked in the bathroom, bedroom or even on the street! You’ll never go back to the old, tiring way of wining and dining women to get what you want. Now you can be the peeping Tom you’ve always dreamed of.

5. Squirrel Underpants

Description: Squirrel Underpants Underwear Fits Hamsters Gerbils
Current Price: $5.49
Shipping: $6.68
# of Bids: 0
End Time: March 22 2009. 18:34:02

Are you tired of watching squirrels streaking naked across your lawn? Are you worried about the deviant influence naked squirrels could have on your children? If this sounds like you, then you need Squirrel Underpants.

These tiny underpants have a 3” elastic waistband for a snug fit and are made from 100% breathable cotton. With these squirrel underpants, you can go back to enjoying your backyard without worry about indecent squirrel exposure. One size fits all. Also great for hamsters, frogs and gerbils.

6. Kangaroo Scrotum Pouch

Description: KANGAROO SCROTUM Leather POUCH purse WEIRD hide skin
Current Price: $19.99
Shipping: Free
# of Bids: N/A
End Time: April 14 2009, 16:39:42

Nothing says I love you like a genuine kangaroo scrotum purse. This little pouch complete with drawstring is 100% Australian, 100% kangaroo and most importantly, 100% scrotum. If you’re looking for only the finest in scrotum wear, the kangaroo pouch is it.

Each pouch comes with a certificate of authenticity so you don’t have to worry about fake scrotum knock offs. Great for jewelry, keys, loose change and more.  Grab your scrotum pouch now before time runs out!

7. Succulent Dryer Lint

Description: DRYER LINT sweet and succulent!! HIGH QUALITY must see
Current Price: $0.99
Shipping: $4.99
# of Bids: 0
End Time: March 19 2009, 13:06:34

A definite must see to believe, this 11” x 11” ziplock bag is packed full of the highest quality dryer lint you can find. This dryer lint is sweet, succulent, and stolen from the seller’s girlfriend’s dryer. It includes two full months of dryer lint made from the finest fibers of high end clothing, such as Victoria’s Secret, Dolce & Gabanna and Versace.

With so many uses, this dryer lint is a steal at this low, low price. We promise you’ll never go back to your own dryer lint again!

8. Killer Baby In Coffin

Description: UGLY BABY IN ITS OWN COFFIN W/CHAIN SAW-10”WIDE-20”LONG
Current Price: $29.99
Shipping: $18.00
# of Bids: 0
End Time: March 19 2009, 11:08:05

Lovingly handcrafted and custom made, this doll is the perfect gift for the child who has everything. This little horror comes with fun accessories like its cozy coffin and realistic-looking, bloody chain saw.

Great for your child’s bedside, this miniature monster will keep your child feeling safe and secure all night long. This doll is guaranteed to provide hours of fun and excitement. Don’t be surprised if you find your child is tired in the morning after staying up all night  playing with this twisted tot.

9. Fake Turd

Description: Fake Poop Crap Turd Novelty – Fun Gross Prank Pooper
Current Price: $1.99
Shipping: $3.99
# of Bids: N/A
End Time: April 08 2009, 21:11:05

Have you turded anyone lately? Everyone loves a good poop joke and with this 4” molded piece of turd you can give your friends, family or even your co-workers a good scare!

Leave it on the toilet seat for your mom to find. Put it in your girlfriend’s dresser drawer and listen to her scream. Leave it in the box of donuts at work and wait for hilarity to ensue. The possibilities are endless but you better act fast because this turd is priced to move! Remember: Nothing says you’re #1 like a piece of #2!

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On eBay, the name of the game is fast bidding and no second chances. If you’re too slow on the draw, then you’ll never get to own that raisin bran flake shaped like Illinois or that sexy garden gnome to pimp out your yard. Unfortunately, these auctions are already closed and once you see them you’ll be sorry you missed them. (Scroll down on each ebay page to see product details.)

1. Pickle Willy Warmer

Description: Pickle Willy / Willie Warmer
Winning Bid: $10.99
End Time: March 18 2009, 09:20:28

When outside is chilly, let the pickle warm your willy! Any man knows there’s nothing worse than a cold member, so if you’re feeling a draft down below, slide on the Pickle Willy Warmer for instant warmth and comfort.

The Pickle Willy Warmer is handmade using only the softest yarn and the built in drawstring allows for a snug fit for all your parts. The pickle is hand-washable and guaranteed to keep you warm all night long. (May need to re-glue eye after washing.)

2.Spice Up Your Sex Life

Description: Spice up your sex life!
Winning Bid: $100.00
End Time: March 18 2009, 11:21:40

If you and your partner live near Elkhart, IN and are feeling bored in the bedroom, you can spice up your life with a little voyeurism! This single, white father of two wants to watch and/or photograph you while you engage in the dirty deed.

Experience this erotic exhilaration for only $100.00. This offer is guaranteed to please. Photographer will not direct or join in. He will just sit back and enjoy the show.

3. Succubus Girls

Description: SUCCUBIS SUCCUBI ONE FOR EVERYBODY IT’S RAINING GIRLS
Winning Bid: $9.99
End Time: January 14 2009, 15:00:15

Buying a slave through a human trafficking ring can be risky with those pesky cops always around the corner, but with these authentic Succubus girls, you won’t have to worry about any ‘legal issues’. These gorgeous Succubus girls are mistresses of night time pleasures and extremely eager to please.

Each girl comes housed in her own 3 inch tall hand blown Egyptian vessel (that are a breeze to get through customs) and have specific activation instructions. These girls are healthy, highly charged and ready to be shipped if you’re the winning bidder.

4. The Turd Twister

Description: THE TURD TWISTER KIT (NOW THIS IS WEIRD) START TWISTING
Winning Bid: $15.99
End Time: March 18 2009, 16:20:43

Perfect for the person who has everything, The Turd Twister is a fun and creative game you can play with the whole family. Each kit includes 10 popular, dishwasher-safe Turd Twisters and a ‘How To Twist Your Turds” instruction manual so you can learn all the ins and outs of twisting turd.

Get festive with the Christmas Turd or just have some crazy fun with the Bat Turd. You’ll be surprised how fun Turd Twisting can be!

5. Personal DNA Swab

Description: My Personal DNA Swab
Winning: $0.99
End Time: March 18 2009, 18:57:57

If you like collecting crazy things or have recently become a suspect in a murder charge, this personal DNA swab would be the perfect item for you. This DNA swab is from the seller’s mouth and will be shipped to you on a q-tip preserved in a baggie.

This is a 100% unique piece that you will not be able to find anywhere else. Satisfaction guaranteed!

6. Empty Rolo Wrappers

Description: Empty Rolo wrappers – Approx 2” square.
Winning Bid: $8.75
End Time: March 17 2009, 16:53:41

These exquisite silver and gold Rolo wrappers are a must have for any avid pack rat. The true beauty of these wrappers can only be seen in person, but if you look closely at the wrinkles, you may catch a glimpse of the Virgin Mary.

These wrappers go great on the refrigerator, family bulletin board, and can even be made into a fun game by rolling them into a ball. Let your imagination run wild with these holy wrappers. Only sold as a set.

7. Mother Nature’s Art Work

Description: Unaltered Mother Nature’s Own Art Work, Elegant Piece
Winning Bid: $6.09
End Time: March 16 2009, 13:00:00

Picasso, Schimasso. Don’t settle for boring old watercolors and pictures of dead people, impress your friends and family with this amazing rendition of the Cannon of Life created by Mother Nature herself.

This is a totally original raw tree root that has been appraised by several art museums for $13,000 - $17,000. But the owners have graciously decided to sell it on eBay instead for only a fraction of the price!

8. Cat X-ray

Description: Real Medical Science Original Old Veterinary Cat X-Ray
Winning Bid: $5.00
End Time: March 18 2009, 08:33:34

Ever wondered what your cat’s insides looked like? If so, you don’t have to go all Jeffrey Dahmer on poor Mr. Titters. Instead, check out this perfectly preserved cat x-ray.

In fabulous condition with no scratches or discoloration, this x-ray will let you explore the inner workings of the feline body without scaring any of the neighbor kids or getting the police involved.