The 7 Unluckiest Appliances (& You Thought Your Job Was Bad)
May 4, 2009 by David
Despite hundreds of years of progress in the area of hygiene, we humans still produce a lot of mess. Luckily in this day and age, we have creative geniuses who have developed appliances to eliminate our odors, kill our germs and do our dirty work for us, all without having to hear them whine. Here are the 7 unluckiest appliances whose sole purpose is to make our lives easier (and you thought your job was bad).
7. Personal Bathroom Scale
From the moment you take your scale out of the cardboard box it came in, it will be frowned at, cursed out, stepped on, and spat upon. If scales had psyches, they would either suffer from bi-polar disorder or would be the bitter and catty fashionistas making snide remarks with the digital display– such as “Those pants DO make you look fat.”
6. The Body Groomer
Its name evokes thoughts of a hygienic, cutting edge epilator. But it’s really just a ‘back hair’ shaver. You know, for crony-tailed mid-lifers who want to lounge under the sun in their Borat one-piece.
Ewww… we don’t want to know how often the razor needs changing.
Since, it’s a best selling bathroom appliance; it must be good for those hard-to-reach places. *Shudder*
5. The Karaoke Machine
At least Simon Cowell is sitting on millions for eardrum abuse; too bad we can’t say the same for the rest of us. The piteous karaoke machine is an electrical deity among appliances in Japan, but also the bane of bartenders in the south. Who ever thought it was a modern advancement to let drunk people have a microphone to sing Sheryl Crow in the same key used to discipline canines?
4. The Boot, Sneaker, and Glove Dryer
This tubular ventilation system is the little hairdryer that couldn’t. It was designed to be a ski lodge amenity; however it mostly just sees rainy days and pet accidents. Even at the ritziest celebrity harem in Aspen, this machine still has to dehydrate Paris Hilton’s foot sweat from her Ugg Boots.
3. The Oral Irrigator & Sanitizer
Does it keep your toothbrushes clean or do you rinse with it? Nobody knows for sure, although we all agree that it’s a dirty, dirty job to fight mouthfuls of bacteria and rush in like a fool to greet the worst breath of the day – morning breath.
2. The Pool Vacuum
These faceless robots sweep the pine needles, band-aids, and beetles out from under your feet. They’re fun little things to chase your kids with but they are the unfortunate technological equivalent of a bottom-feeder.
1. The Automatic Litterbox
The automatic litter box knows that poop happens several times a day because its daily duty is to clump it, deodorize it, and sweep it away before you have to see it or smell it. It’s a hard-knock life being someone’s toilet and by far, the most disgusting job of all.
Would You Let This Man Into Your Home?
April 22, 2009 by David
Gene provides so many reasons for doing repairs yourself. You never know what you are going to get from the local handyman.
A MyBadPad original feature. Read more
The Redneck Guide To Recycling Appliances Pt. 2
We had so much fun watching Rednecks blow up appliances that we thought we’d do it again. And we figured that the bigger the appliance, the bigger the explosion.
Who knew there were so many options for getting rid of your faithful old refrigerator? Most people just recycle it, donate it or dump it but these fine folks think that taking it out back and shooting it is a better idea.
Two pounds of Tannerite vs. One Fridge
4 pounds of Tannerite + 1 great shot = 450 feet of refrigerator wreckage
Insert evil laugh here…
Blowing refrigerators up on the down-low…
(how hard would it be to hunt down a redneck in a fedora?)
Someone should tell them the fridge door opens…
Instant Replay
The Redneck Guide To Recycling Appliances
March 16, 2009 by David
After your old, broken-down appliance has cooled its last beer or washed its last nacho plate, there are several ways to get rid of it.
- There’s the lazy way - just dump it on the curb in front of your house and hope the garbage man takes it away.
- The green way - have your appliance properly recycled or get creative and use the parts to build something new.
- And then there’s the Redneck way - grab a grenade, a couple of brewskies and duck for cover.
Since the Redneck way produces better videos, check out these 4 explosive methods of disposal.
4.) Watch your tax dollars in action.
3.) Oh shit!
2.) 1 part dishwasher + 1 part Miller Lite = 1 awesome explosion
1.) Smart rednecks use a protective shelter.
Killers and Chillers
March 12, 2009 by David
Freezers and refrigerators are tools of the trade for cannibals and murderers. As a matter of fact, according to Wikiality, freezers are the appliance of choice for serial killers everywhere.
What better way is there to keep body parts fresh, tasty and readily available for a late-night snack then to tuck them into a crisper bin in the fridge? The tightly sealed fridge and freezer doors keep a lid on any two-week-old-dead-body funk that could spoil a disgusting and perverse secret.
Actually, these 9 notorious and dangerous killers should have gotten a lock for their fridge or freezer when they used these chilling household appliances to store dismembered body parts right next to the rocky road ice cream.
1. Jeffrey Dahmer
Born: May 21, 1960
Number of Killings: 17
Favorite body parts to keep in the fridge: head and torso
The most infamous antagonist of ice box storage is Jeffrey “Milwaukee Cannibal” Dahmer, who was arrested after a near-victim fled the crime scene. The victim luckily escaped what 17 boys and men hadn’t — police found multiple human torsos and heads in Dahmer’s fridge and a heart in his freezer.
Fortunately, Dahmer is no longer a tax burden as he was beaten to death on November 28, 1994, by a fellow inmate with a bar from a weight machine.
2. Ed Gein
Born: 1906
Number of Killings: 2 or more
Favorite body part to keep in the fridge: internal organs
Ed Gein, the Wisconsin native, whose violent lifestyle inspired the slasher classic The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, lived in a rural town where neighbors described him as “quiet”. Ed owned and operated a small grocery, enjoyed babysitting for neighbors, and obsessed over creating household furniture out of his victims. Ed’s hobbies also included grave-robbing, wearing women’s clothing and flesh and keeping a refrigerator full of human organs.
Gein was found guilty of first degree murder but because he was also found to be legally insane, he spent the rest of his life in a mental hospital where he died in 1984.
3. Özgür Dengiz
Born: 1980
Number of Killings: 3
Favorite body parts to keep in the fridge: flesh from buttocks and thighs
The youngest maniac to send a victim to an icy grave was Özgür Dengiz of Turkey. At 17 years of age, he was jailed for the murder of a friend. After serving three years, he was released on parole and soon after shot Cafer Er, a 55-year-old garbage collector who was “crowding the area”. Dengiz disposed of the corpse at the local dump but only after he had removed portions of the dead man’s body. He took these portions home, shared some with the neighborhood dogs and stored the rest in his family’s kitchen freezer.
Denzig was captured in 2007 and showed no remorse for his crimes. As a matter of fact, he said he would have kept killing if he had not been caught.
4. Armin Meiwes
Born: 1961
Number of Killings: 1
Favorite body part to keep in the fridge: cut up flesh
In 2001, Armin Meiwes (of Germany) took out an online ad looking for a volunteer to be killed and eaten. Burnd Brandes answered the ad and on Christmas day of the same year, was killed and stored in Meiwes’ freezer for the next ten months.
Meiwes was not arrested until the following year, when he put out an advertisement for his next victim. In 2004, Meiwes was sentenced to 8 ½ years in prison for manslaughter but a re-trial found him guilty of murder and his sentence was changed to life in prison.
5. Nikolai Dzhumagaliev
Born: 1952
Number of Killings: unknown, but some sources indicate 50 – 100 victims
Favorite body parts to keep in the fridge: head and intestines
Nikolai “Metal Fang” Dzhumagaliev of Russia is the most likable character on the bad boys roster. He was a social person and invited friends for snacks during one of many get-togethers at his house. His friends turned him in though, when they discovered his “snacks” consisted of a human head and intestinal tract that he kept cooling in the fridge.
In 2007, he was found guilty of seven murders but is believed to be responsible for 50-100 deaths. He has since been released from a mental institution and is a free man living in Eastern Europe.
6. Anthony Hopkins
Born: 1971
Number of Killings: 1
Favorite body part to keep in the freezer: whole corpse
Even more recently, a travelling preacher named Anthony Hopkins (just like the actor who portrayed famous cinematic cannibals Hannibal Lecter and Titus Andronicus) killed his wife and buried her behind their family home in Mobile, Alabama. Sources speculate that his wife, Aretha, came home to find Hopkins sexually abusing their children and her murder took place shortly thereafter. Perhaps dissatisfied with his choice of burial, he exhumed her body and placed it in the family freezer before being caught by the authorities this past August.
7. Paul Dalton
Born: 1970
Number of Killings: 1
Favorite body part to keep in the freezer: chopped up corpse
Paul Dalton was found guilty of manslaughter after unintentionally killing his wife. The unhappy couple had been fighting when Mr. Dalton was “blinded by rage” - a rage that resulted in fatal violence. Realizing what had transpired, he bought a couple of saws and dustsheets before chopping up her body and storing it in their fridge-freezer.
Dalton’s wife’s remains were discovered by his parents after he fled to Japan.
8. Jeremy Hauck
Born: 1988
Number of Killings: 1
Favorite body part to keep in the freezer: whole corpse
Jeremy Hauck was found guilty of shooting his mother and stuffing her body in the freezer of her Bountiful, Utah condominium. Police found her body after family members hadn’t heard from her for several days. The police reported that “she was frozen solid” and it took 3 days for her body to thaw.
In January 2008, Hauck, was found not competent to stand trial.
9. Issei Sagawa
Born: 1949
Number of Killings: 1
Favorite body part to keep in the fridge: cut up flesh
Renée Hartevelt was the girl of Sagawa’s dreams. They were classmates in a university in France and after befriending Hartevelt, Sagawa invited Hartevelt to his apartment where he shot her in the neck with a rifle. After 2 days, Sagawa was seen dumping most of the mutilated body in a park. The rest of Renée Hartevelt was still in Sagawa’s refrigerator when the police came to arrest him.
Sagawa was found legally insane and deported back to Japan, where he was put in a mental institution. However, as a result of mishandled paperwork, Sagawa was able to check himself out of the mental institution after 15 months and has been a free man ever since.
7 Awesome Steampunk Appliances
February 25, 2009 by David
Of course you want to outfit your home with nice appliances – everyone wants that. But what if you want more than what Home Depot can offer? What if you want your appliances to look like they came straight from a science-fiction subgenre of post-gothic speculative fantasy?
Well, kind squires and ladies, allow our automaton butler to take your top hat and cashmere rag-cloak. Affix your mechanized monocles so you can more closely examine our list of the 7 awesome Steampunk appliances that we’ve found online.
7. The News Brews
Steaming hot java and the morning newspaper seem like the last refuge before starting the daily grind. However few get to partake in this domesticated bliss in today’s time-crunch culture.
What if you could combine the two luxuries in your travel-mug as you head out the door?
The News Brews percolates your coffee from beans grown in the regions that are mentioned in today’s news feeds and it adjusts the beans proportions based on the frequency of mentions. The news has never been so “infolicious”.
6. Victorian All-in-One PC
Made of new and old parts (including some from the dump), this fully-functional machine has everything you’d expect from a PC, but with more soldered copper, bronze, brass, and aluminum gears than may actually be necessary.
The keyboard was repainted and the keys were plucked out to accommodate vintage typewriter keys.
We’re guessing a shiny tangle of cogs wired to the machine was built in the same fashion. See more at the Steampunk Workshop.
5. Copper Pipe Fixtures Lamp
Professor Fzz is an Aethernet engineer and spends his free time doodling and dreaming about steam locomotives. He’s created several copper pipe lighting mechanisms, as well as, egg cannons and rockets. Ste-amazing!
4. Blood Transfusion Device
This odd contraption, looking like a sanguine-filled music box, was a prop blood transfusion device built by www.SteamGearLab.com for the cult classic Vampyr, produced by Red Scream. An ornate hand-crank moves the gears that pump blood through the tubes to the taps.
3. Trash Boiler
Built by inventor (and Flickr user) Boilermonster, this is the only garbage incinerator we’ve ever seen that wasn’t completely offensive. Here’s Boilermonster running down the specs: “This is a Lamont style boiler, having about 150′ of 3/8 tubing. I have hydro tested it to 125lbs and run it at about 50lb. This was designed to process grey water at B-man so we would have fresh water for our steam car and other uses.”
2. Concertina Adjustable Reading Lamp
These reading lamps, from The Antique Lighting Company, will add a Victorian veneer to any nightstand, ensuring sweet Steampunk dreams after the lights are switched off.
1. Edison-lit Vanity Mirror
Via the indispensable Steampunk Home, this sink/vanity mirror combo is the best way to apply your eyeliner in the morning. Note the eerily accurate Edison-bulb lighting to add a perfectly pasty burnt-orange glow to your skin.
For more cool Steampunk DIYs, check out the Steampunk Gear Flickr group. Or else just go to Boing Boing, which needs to just admit that it’s basically a Steampunk fan-fiction site.
Cheapest Quality Mattresses In Town
There are times that you say something in your head and it makes perfect sense. You can even write it down and look at it and it still makes sense. You can even put it up on a big billboard outside your business and it still makes sense.
This makes it even harder to figure out all of the snickers and giggles afterwards.
Rental In Quiet Neighborhood
January 30, 2009 by David
The current economy is pushing entrepreneurs to become more creative. Some are even trying to take advantage of the continued increase in foreclosures. However, not all rentals are created equal.
I bet the ad reads “Spacious, lots of green grass, quiet neighborhood.”
Thanks to our friends over at Burbia.com for sharing this brand new rental that just came on the market.
How Real Men Cook
January 22, 2009 by David
Let’s be honest - real men hate cooking. Don’t get me wrong - we like grilling, barbequing and marinating, hell; we don’t even mind occasionally boiling a pot of water. But when it comes to aprons, whisks and words like ‘béchamel’, ‘demi-glace’ or ‘flambé’, we want no part of it.
Unfortunately for mankind everywhere, we get hungry. In fact, we get really hungry several times a day. Since a man’s got to eat, we’ve come up with a few creative ways you can cook some grub and still keep your manliness intact. After all, we don’t care how it’s cooked as long as we can eat it.
1) Iron Grilled Cheese
Somewhere along the line, we’re sure a friend, a girlfriend or your mom gave you an iron. We suggest taking it out of the box, dusting it off and putting it to good use making a classic grilled cheese sandwich. Just make sure the steam setting isn’t on.
2) Torched Leftovers
Still got some Mushu pork from House of Hong leftover in the fridge? Grab the blowtorch, throw it in a non-plastic dish (we can’t stress this part enough) and give that take-out a good searing. It’s much cooler than using the microwave and who doesn’t like a good excuse to play with fire?
3) Electrofried Hot Dogs
Hot dogs are a staple in any man’s home since they’re so damn easy to cook. You can boil ‘em, fry ‘em, grill ‘em and for the man who loves a dangerous challenge, you can electrocute ‘em, too. All you need are few simple tools like a power cord and wire strippers, and you can enjoy a delicious hot dog and maybe even a 220v shock.
4) Radiator Eggs
Every man likes eggs in the morning and that goes double if you’re hung-over. So when you wake up on a cold morning feeling like a bus hit you, turn up the heat and throw a pan of eggs on the radiator. It’s the ultimate in lazy cooking and if the radiator is next to your couch, you don’t even have to get your hurting ass up.
5) Cooking with 500 Horsepower
One of man’s most prized possessions is his car. They’re reliable, easy to fix and even help pick up the ladies, so it makes sense they can cook our grub too. Whether you’re taking a road trip with the guys or just feel like showing off, you can cook an entire steak and potato meal on your car’s engine. Dirt and grease won’t help the flavor so make sure you have some tin foil on hand.
6) Caveman Cooking
There is no more sacred or manly method of cooking food then over a roaring, open flame. When the iron is broken and the car’s in the shop, get in tune with your ancient cavemen and make a fire pit in your back yard. Grab a lawn chair, open a cold one and you won’t even feel like you’re cooking when the smell of the outdoors and charred beef hits your nostrils.
Bonus:
No meal is complete without a frothy brew to wash it down so for the ultimate beverage dispensing machine, hook up a keg of beer to your fridge’s water dispenser. This gentlemen, is what we like to call a ‘culinary masterpiece’.
55 Beers That Will Knock You Flat On Your Ass
January 14, 2009 by David
We’ve all heard the myth that American beer is weak and not for “Real” men but I am here to tell you that that is COMPLETE crap. Yes, there is still plenty of Bud Light available for weak-ass, beer-water drinkers, but if you are looking for a strong manly beer then stop right here.
We’ve compiled a list of over 50 Extra-Strong Beers that will knock you flat on your ass. Each beer on this list was specially chosen for one reason, and one reason only, a minimum of 10% alcohol by volume (ABV).
No mamby-pamby light beer here. With names like Korruptor, Devil’s Milk and Double Bastard Ale you can bet these bad-boys will deliver a swift kick and leave you crawling to bed on the bathroom floor.
Best part of the list is, that you can actually buy most of these mouth-watering beers without having to fly to Europe and other cities around the world, finally putting to rest the idea that American beer is for lightweights.
| Beer | ABV | Country | Brewery |
|---|---|---|---|
| Sam Adams Triple Bock | 17.50% | USA | Sam Adams |
| Critical Mass | 17.00% | Canada | Trafalgar Brewing Co. |
| Korruptor | 16.00% | Canada | Trafalgar Brewing Co. |
| Nøgne Ø Dark Horizon (1.edition) | 16.00% | Norway | Nøgne Ø - det kompromissløse bryggeri |
| The Black Bullet | 15.00% | Canada | Trafalgar Brewing Co. |
| The Beast Grand Cru | 14.90% | USA | Avery Brewing Company |
| Kuhnhenn Bourbon Barrel Barley Wine | 14.50% | USA | Kuhnhenn Brewing Company |
| Kuhnhenn Raspberry Eisbock | 13.50% | USA | Kuhnhenn Brewing Company |
| Ølfabrikken Sinful Brother | 13.50% | Denmark | Ølfabrikken |
| Black Albert | 13.00% | Belgium | De Struise Brouwers |
| Parabola | 13.00% | USA | Firestone Walker Brewing Co. |
| Oak Aged Dark Lord Imperial Stout | 13.00% | USA | Three Floyds Brewing Co. / Brewery & Pub |
| Dark Lord Imperial Stout | 13.00% | USA | Three Floyds Brewing Co. / Brewery & Pub |
| Decadence | 13.00% | USA | Weyerbacher Brewing Company |
| Bourbon County Stout | 13.00% | USA | Goose Island |
| Older Viscosity | 12.10% | USA | Port Brewing Company / Pizza Port |
| Tokyo | 12.00% | Scotland | BrewDog |
| The Angel’s Share - Brandy Barrel-Aged | 12.00% | USA | The Lost Abbey |
| The Angel’s Share - Bourbon Barrel-Aged | 12.00% | USA | The Lost Abbey |
| Cuvee De Tomme | 12.00% | USA | The Lost Abbey |
| AleSmith Speedway Stout - Barrel Aged | 12.00% | USA | AleSmith Brewing Company |
| Lees Harvest Ale | 11.50% | England | JW Lees & Co Ltd |
| J.W. Lees Vintage Harvest Ale | 11.50% | England | JW Lees & Co Ltd |
| Trappistes Rochefort 10 | 11.30% | Belgium | Brasserie de l`Abbaye Notre-Dame de St. Remy A.s. |
| Gouden Carolus Carolus D’Or - Cuvée Van De Keizer | 11.00% | Belgium | Gouden Carolus Carolus D’Or - Cuvée Van De Keizer |
| The Abyss | 11.00% | USA | Deschutes Brewery, Inc. |
| Pliny The Younger | 11.00% | USA | Russian River Brewing Company |
| Imperial Stout | 11.00% | USA | Rogue Ales Brewery / Brewer’s on the Bay |
| Devil’s Milk | 11.00% | USA | DuClaw Brewing Company |
| Choklat (Imperial Stout) | 11.00% | USA | Southern Tier Brewing Company |
| Stone Imperial Russian Stout | 10.80% | USA | Stone Brewing Company |
| St. Bernardus Abt 12 | 10.50% | Belgium | Brouwerij St. Bernardus NV |
| Piraat (Amber Triple IPA) | 10.50% | Belgium | Brouwerij Van Steenberge N.V. |
| Kryptonite | 10.50% | USA | Iron Hill Restaurant & Brewery |
| Exponential Hoppiness | 10.50% | USA | Alpine Beer Company |
| Darkness | 10.30% | USA | Surly Brewing Company |
| Trappist Westvleteren 12 | 10.20% | Belgium | Brouwerij Westvleteren (Sint-Sixtusabdij van Westvleteren) |
| Third Coast Old Ale | 10.20% | USA | Bell’s/Kalamazoo |
| Old Ruffian Barley Wine | 10.20% | USA | Great Divide Brewing Company |
| Pannepot - Old Fisherman’s Ale | 10.00% | Belgium | De Struise Brouwers |
| Koningshoeven Quadrupel | 10.00% | Netherlands | Bierbrouwerij De Koningshoeven B.V. |
| Widdershins | 10.00% | USA | Left Hand Brewing Company |
| Vermonster | 10.00% | USA | Rock Art Brewery |
| Ten FIDY | 10.00% | USA | Oskar Blues Grill & Brewery |
| Sexual Chocolate | 10.00% | USA | Foothills Brewing Company |
| Saint Arnold Divine Reserve #5 | 10.00% | USA | Saint Arnold Brewing Company |
| Hop 15 | 10.00% | USA | Port Brewing Company / Pizza Port |
| He’Brew Bittersweet Lenny’s R.I.P.A. | 10.00% | USA | Shmaltz Brewing Company |
| Founders Kentucky Breakfast Stout | 10.00% | USA | Founders Brewing Company |
| Founders Imperial Stout | 10.00% | USA | Founders Brewing Company |
| Expedition Stout | 10.00% | USA | Bell’s/Kalamazoo |
| Double Bastard Ale | 10.00% | USA | Stone Brewing Company |
| Devil Dog | 10.00% | USA | Laughing Dog Brewing |
| Collaborative Evil | 10.00% | USA | Flossmoor Station Restaurant & Brewery |
| Bell’s HopSlam Ale | 10.00% | USA | Bell’s Brewery, Inc |
